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Prepisano iz "Far Eastern Economic Review", 28. 9. 1989:   In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.   In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.   In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push the button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.   In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your valuables at the front desk.   In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.   In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattenning of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.   In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.   In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.   In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.   On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.   On the menu of the Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.   In a Hongkong supermarket: For your convenience, we recomend courteous, efficient self-service.   In a Bankok dry cleaner: Drop your trouses here for best results.   Outside Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.   Outside a Hongkong dress shop: Ladies have fits upstairs.   In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in a strict rotation.   From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.   In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractor have thrown in the bulk of their workers.   In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.   A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.   In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.   In an advertisment by a Hongkong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodist.   A translated sentence from the Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.   In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.   In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.   Advertisment for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?   On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.   In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.   On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hongkong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.   Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop; Drive Sideways.   In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today - no ice cream.   In a Bankok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.   In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.   In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.   On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.   In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.   At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.   In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist for women and other diseases.   In a Acapulco hotel: The manager has personaly passed all the water served here.   In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.   From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.   From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle to him. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.   Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: -English well talking. -Here speeching American.