Eto

(must be read with an italian accent)
 
One a day ima gonna to malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning i go down a to cat breakfast. I tella witres i wanna two pisses of toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her i want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss on a my plate. She said you better no piss onna plate,you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even no the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch. Later i go to eat at the a biggest restaurant. The waitris brings me a spoone and a knife but no fork. I tella her i wanna the fack. She tell me everyone you wanna fack. I tella her you no understand i wanna fack on the table. She say you better not fuck on the table you sonna ma bitch.  So i go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him i wanna shit. He tells me you go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed,you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man on the desk say:
”peace on you”
I say “piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch,i’m gonna back to italia, i living there”.