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što nije imao ženu, inače:

- Zašto moraš ići baš ti? Zašto ne pošalju nekog drugog? Šta si ti, uvijek
najveći mazlum? Tebi je sve okruglo! Jes ti lud ili glup? Ne znaš čak ni
moju familiju a ideš otkrivati novi svijet! Šta skrivaš? Ne znaš ni gdje
ideš! A šta, samo će muškarci putovati? Ma nemoj? A što ne mogu ja ići ako
si ti šef? Mene nikada ne vodiš na putovanja! Nesretniče, ne znaš više šta
bi izmislio samo da nisi kući? Ako izađeš na ta vrata ja odoh mami!
Bestidniče, ko ti je ta Marija? Šta ona hoće? Ma, koja djevojčica? Ma jedi
govna, Pedofilu! Sve si isplanirao, drzniče! Ti si se dogovorio sa tim
kurvama indijankama. Ne možeš mene prevariti! Ma, nemoj, kraljica će prodati
svoj nakit da bi ti putovao? Šta ti misliš da sam ja glupača? Šta ima između
tebe i te starke? Ne dam da ideš igdje! uvijek nešto smisliš da bi me
ostavio samu! Ništa se neće desiti ako svijet i dalje bude ravan. Nemoj mi
se oblačiti jer

N E I D E Š N I G D J E !!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Štogod daš ženi, ona će to uvećati.
Ako joj daš spermu, ona će ti dati dijete.
Ako joj daš kuću, ona će ti dati dom.
Ako joj daš namirnice, ona će ti dati obrok.
Ako joj daš osmijeh, ona će ti dati svoje srce.
Ona umnogostručava i povećava sve što joj je dano.

Stoga, ako joj daš bilo kakvo sranje, budi spreman primiti tonu dreka.

http://www.thinkatheist.com/notes/101_Contradictions_in_the_Bible

Za razgovor konstruktivni glede toga jel danas pametno investirat u nekretninu ili ne. Da, tolko mi je dosadno :)

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their
life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME


Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:


Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?



MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.

MikeUnderscore2004@yahoo.com

MikeAtYahooDotCom@hotmail.com

Mike_WardAllOneWord@yahoo.com

AAAAAThatsSixAs@yahoo.com

One1TheFirstJustTheNumberTheSecondSpelledOut@hotmail.com

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.

However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse.

Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Sve je više ljudi koji se dobro osjećaju sami
Tradicionalno partnerstvo u suvremenom društvu nije jedini način postizanja sreće
Melita je 32-godišnjakinja koja živi s roditeljima i bratom. Primanja su joj prosječna, posao isto takav prosječan u kojem niti ima mogućnosti nekog napredovanja, niti je to posebno interesira. Iako tridesetogodišnjaci ni ona ni brat koji također radi nemaju u dogledno vrijeme nikakvih želja za preseljenjem iz roditeljskog doma. Melita nije u vezi već duže vrijeme. Nakon što je prije nekoliko godina prekinula sa dugogodišnjim dečkom nikako da pronađe onog pravog. Jer, stvari na koje prije nikada nije obračala pažnju sada je užasno smetaju.
Na kompromise je vrlo malo spremna, a već je i sama uvidjela da je postala vrlo izbirljiva. Čak i kada je na samom mogućem odabraniku ništa ne smeta, vrlo je vjerojatno da joj neće odgovarati njegovo društvo. Iako načelno nije protiv romantične veze, nije razočarana što nije u vezi, a u svakom slučaju radije je sama nego da zbog nekoga mora mijenjati sebe ili svoje navike.
Melita uživa u svojoj samoći, voli odlutati sama sa svojim mislima, i rijetko joj je kada dosadno. Prijateljstvo cijeni i vrlo joj je važna njena šačica dobrih prijatelja. Puno važnija no Gospodin Pravi. Je li Melita previše egocentrična pa zbog nesklonosti ikakvom kompromisu žrtvuje ljubavni život ili je jednostavno zrela osoba koja zna što želi, a što ne u životu.
Prije nekoliko godina pojavio se i stručni termin za takve pomalo neobične zaljubljenike u život kojih je danas sve više. Engleski je naziv quirkyalone i vrlo ga je nespretno prevoditi a doslovno znači neobični ili specifični samci. Termin je skovala izvjesna Sasha Cagen 2000. godine i opisala ga potom u knjizi »Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics« ili »Quirkyalone - Manifest beskompromisnih romantičara« i time je, kaže psihologinja Tamara Dabić, jednom dijelu ljudi donijela veliko olakšanje: »Meni zacijelo jest. To je bio jedan od trenutaka koji se pamte čitav život. Jedan od onih trenutaka u kojem pamtite i sliku, i ton, i misao, i osjećaj, i mirise... Bilo je ljeto, uživala sam u jednom od meni dragih solo ljetovanja na Silbi. Nisam vjerovala, do tada, da čitajući dnevne novine mogu doživjeti ushit i oduševljenje uvida, intenziteta ravnog onome o kakvim čitamo u duhovnim knjigama o meditaciji, kontemplaciji i sličnim vrijednim praksama. Već način kako je riječ quirkyalone zavibrirala u meni podigao je priličnu prašinu. Čitajući dalje, redak za retkom, imala sam osjećaj kao da netko piše o meni. Sekunda nevjerice i lavina olakšanja i ushićenja, mogli bi se svesti pod nazivnik - za ono kako se osjećam cijelog života postoji naziv. Nisam jedina. To kako se osjećam i što jesam je OK! Koliko god radili na sebi, i bili više ili manje ostvareni, svima nam je potrebna neka vrsta potvrde da ono što činimo i ono što jesmo, jest u redu i ja sam ju tada doživjela«, opisuje Dabić svoju spoznaju da je quirkyalone.
Prema wikipediji, quirkyalone bi bila osoba koja se dobro osjeća sama. Ne protivi se biti u vezi, ali radije daje prednost tome da je sama umjesto da je s nekim samo zato da može reći da je u vezi ili zato jer se to od nje očekuje. Postoji i lista slavnih quirkyalonera pa su tako neki od njih Cher, Kleopatra, Ivana Orleanska, Katharine Hepburn, Oprah Winfrey, Oscar Wilde, Morrissey, George Clooney... U svakom slučaju, riječ je o osobama koje se dobro osjećaju kada su same, bilo da su u vezi s nekim ili ne. Osim što su otvorene prema mogućnostima koje život pruža, optimističnog duha, kreativne, posjeduju vrlo osebujne osobine i senzibilitet koji često nadilazi status bivanja u paru. Quirkyaloneri uživaju u trenucima samovanja i svojem svijetu, trebaju ga, ponekad i žude za njim, da bi se osjećali ispunjenima. Ako zavirimo na trenutak u TV svijet tada je savršeni primjer quirkyalonera Ally Mc Beal, odvjetnica u istoimenoj seriji koju većina smatra čudnom ako ni zbog čeg drugoga onda zbog doista razgranatog unutarnjeg svijeta koji živi.
»Takvi ljudi prijateljstvo stavljaju visoko na ljestvicu svojih prioriteta, smatrajući ga jednako važnim kao i vezu, a ponekad čak i važnijim. Ljudi nemirna i neovisna duha, pomalo ekscentrici, sanjari, svestranih interesa, otvoreni za nove mogućnosti, životu pristupaju kao eksperimentu u kojem su sami svoji ispitanici, opiru se stereotipima i obrascima, uviđaju da živjeti van postavljenih obrazaca često daje osjećaj slobode i ispunjenja, djelomično su introvertni - imaju sposobnost da sami sebe zabave/ispune svoje vrijeme, postave vlastiti kodex ponašanja i žive u vlastitom svijetu, ne kamufliraju svoju individulanost - oni su jednostavno nekontrolirano i beskrompromisno svoji», objašnjava Dabić.
Takve ljude tako nećete čuti da kažu za svog partnera da je njegova polovica jer se sami smatraju cjeloviti, pa partnera ne doživljavaju kao nekoga tko će ih ispuniti. »Kad je partnerstvo u pitanju, takvi ljudi imaju vrlo jasne kriterije i radije se odlučuju biti sami nego u vezi koja nije ispunjavajuća, zadovoljavajuća i podržavajuća za njihovu osobnost. Protivnici su opsesivnog bivanja u vezi, samo zato da ne budu sami. Njihova cjelovitost je u njima samima i u osobinama i vrijednostima od kojih su sazdani. Partnera doživljavaju kao ravnopravnog pojedinca, jedinstvenu osobu s kojom ulaze u odnos zajedništa, podrške, uvažavanja, poštivanja, suradnje, zajedničkog stvaranja, svega onoga što volimo nazvati ljubav. Partnerstvo doživljavaju kao dinamičan odnos u kojem svatko ima prostora da bude najbolje od onoga što je«.
Ti ljudi će vrlo kritički razmišljati o braku, sami će isplanirati i platiti svoje vjenčanje ako će ga uopće biti, nikada neće koristiti množinu »mi« kada razgovaraju o svom partneru, podržavaju partnerova prijateljstva van odnosa, a nikada neće klonirati interese jedno drugog jednaklo kao što neće ni patiti od krize identiteta kad prekinu vezu. Ipak, upozorava Dabićm, ti ljudi su skloni i pogubiti se kad se približe romantičnoj vezi, jer u svojoj izbirljivosti potraga za partnerom može postati potraga za svetim gralom, pa tako sresti nekoga tko odgovara nnjihovim težnjama poprima epske karakteristike.
Dabić koja sebe smatram rođenom quirkyalonericom, iako je svjesna da se njen quirkyalonerizam razvijao kombinacijom onog što je nosila u sebi i njenih iskustava kaže da su znakovi da ste rođeni kao neobični samac to što od rane dobi imate osjećaj da ste drugačiji, u sjećanjima na djetinjstvo ostaju slike u kojima ste se voljeli igrati sami, te sami sebe zabavljati fantastčnom maštom. Karakteristične radnje koje ispunjavaju takve ljude u djetinjstvu su crtanje i zamišljeni prijatelji. Međutim, takvi ljudi imaju i jake prijateljske veze, a skloni su graditi identitet kroz prijateljstvo. Većinom se tek kasnije u životu otrkivaju kao ljubavnici, a također imaju gotovo stalan osjećaj otuđenosti. Neki otkriju vlastiti unutarnji svijet i otkriju da su nazadovoljniji sami sa sobom u periodu kad prekinu s partnerom jer osjete doživljaj olakšanja, otkrivanje svih ljepota samovanja koje su ranije bile nepoznate, uživanje u samovanju. A onda što su duže sami, standardi su im sve viši. »Oni će bez problema dovesti u pitanje vjerovanje da je tradicionalno partnerstvo jedini način podizanja djece i postizanja sreće«, objašnjava Dabić.
Sasha Cagen i njeni suradnici proveli su internet istraživanje prema kojem se 62 posto žena i 38 posto anketiranih muškaraca prepoznalo kao quirkyaloneri, pri čemu je razlog znatno višem postotku žena to što one možda lakše osvijeste određene osobine kod sebe, više su introspektivne i više istražuju.
U svakom slučaju ako ne pripadate onima koji gutaju sjajne magazine koji populariziraju mlade slavne parove s fotografijama njihovih extravagantnih vjenčanja, ukoliko vaše samopouzdanje nije narušeno slikom Botoxom ispeglanih faca koje osuđuju starenje, ako ne padate na izdanja tipa kako pronaći čovjeka svog života, što muškarci zaista žele ili poželjni muškarci i kako ih pronaći, odnosno u verziji za muškarce: što žene vole ili kako osvojiti koma neobični samac koji se osjeća dobro u svojoj samoći.

Policija na Kosovu ode u su mu. Tamo zateknu mrtvog Srbina. Pitaju lokalni
zivalj kako je umro.
- sta ja znam, valjda jeo otrovni gljivi, vidis koljiko gljivi ima u sumu.
- A onaj tamo.
- Isto.
- A onaj.
- I onaj isto.
- Kako isto, vidi mu rupu u glavi.
- sta ja znam, mozda nije hteo da jede otrovni gljivi.

1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.



2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.


3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.



4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car.



5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.



6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.


7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once.



8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.


9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.



10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.



11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.



12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.



13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.



14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.



15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.



16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.



17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex.



18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?



19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.



20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.



21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.



22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.



23. You’re really bad at faking it.



24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late.


25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late

26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.



27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.



28. Unless we're meeting my parents.



29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail.



30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter.



31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.


32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."



33. We love ponytails.



34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.



35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are.



36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.


37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.

38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.



39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.



40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.

41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting."



42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.



43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.



44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.



45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.



46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.



47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.



48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"



49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.



50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.

I wanted a 3 some with her for the longest time. she finally agreed but under the terms that we first have a threesome with another GUY. only then after we could have a threesome with a girl. so i agreed. we went to the mall and i told her to pick out a guy. she got this huge black dude from a footlocker. so she talked with him for 30 minutes and somehow he agreed to come back tonight. so fast-forward to nighttime...So us 3 were drinking - of course i had to drink a SHITLOAD to see another dude fuck my girl. so finally we thought it'd be a great idea to play strip poker to kinda ease us into getting naked. like you don't think about these things beforehand...but who the fuck takes of their clothes first? so i'm a good poker player and i hardly had my shirt off when they were almost completely naked. and this dude had like a 11 inch penis dude. WIDE as hell too it was ridiculous. i can't cry about it now, you know? so we head to the bedroom and she starts sucking him off. the bitch hardly ever gives me head too which pisses me off. then he squeezed his huge penis into her for like 2 minutes. i went to fuck her after but seriously couldn't even feel anything. and she was trying to console me and shit but that wasn't going happen -- i had already lost my dignity. so the black dude pushes me away and says "here's how you do it"....so anyway i ended up sitting on the side of the bed doing nothing, i just thought about the time we went to disneyland together. After he came (inside of her, mind you) I just walked out of the apartment and I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say this cab was rare but I thought "Nah forget it... Yo homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to cab "Yo Homes Smell ya lata!" I looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on the throne as the prince of bel air.

Upravo na monitoru naletih na online IQ test, nalazi se na
http://iqtest.dk/main.swf

Meni je nakon 20ak minuta procijenio na 138, dokaz je ovdje
http://kiq.notlong.com

Da vas vidim, junaci? Bez slike ne uvazavam :P

Mislim si otic na Hladno pivo a na sluzbenim stranicama nema nikakvih vijesti. Kak to gore vama zgledi?

Prije puno godina stvori Bog muskarca i zenu. Gleda on muskarca i
veli:

- ti si super ispao,

a zatim pogleda zenu i rece:

- jebi ga, ti bus se morala sminkati !