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Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.

Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.

Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.

Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.

Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.

Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment."

Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.

Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.

Plan ahead. Don't let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a well-stocked "emergency shelf" of home staples; don't wait until you're down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.

Don't put up with something that doesn't work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers - whatever- are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.

Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.

Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.

Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If for some reason either of us is delayed, here's what we'll do. . ." kind of thing. Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center, here's where we'll meet.")

Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn't get mowed this weekend.

Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count 'em!

Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get," idea.)

Say "No!" Saying "no" to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don't have the time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.

Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) Or use an answering machine.

Turn "needs" into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don't get attached to preferences.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. . .

Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get you into the habit of worrying faster than associating with chronic worrywarts.

Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended periods.

Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.

Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.

Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won't have to go through the stress of losing things.

When feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is incomplete, and muscle tension frequently results. Check your breathing throughout the day, and before, during, and after high-pressure situations. If you find your stomach muscles knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths.

Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or on paper to be thrown away) can help you clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective

Try the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through your nose to the count of eight. Then, with lips puckered, exhale very slowly through your mouth to the count of 16, or for as long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.

Inoculate yourself against a feared event. Example: before speaking in public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what you'll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You'll likely find that when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat" and much of your anxiety will have fled.

When the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way of getting the job done, diversion - a voluntary change in activity and/or environment - may be just what you need.

Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem solving.

One of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work, home, leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don't accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to talk politics, don't associate with people who love to talk politics, etc.

Learn to live one day at a time.

Every day, do something you really enjoy.

Add an ounce of love to everything you do.

Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.

Do something for somebody else.

Focus on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being loved.

Do something that will improve your appearance. Looking better can help you feel better.

Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments; allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.

Become more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are fine to compromise upon.

Eliminate destructive self-talk: "I'm too old to. . .," "I'm too fat to. . .," etc.

Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If your work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is fast-paced and full of people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you aren't accomplishing anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish to your satisfaction.

"Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." That's another way of saying: take care of the todays as best you can and the yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.

Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.

Allow yourself time - everyday - for privacy, quiet, and introspection.

If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with, then the rest of your day will be free of anxiety.

Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.

Don't forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if it's just for 15 or 20 minutes.

Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing something or saying anything that could make matters worse.

Have a forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

Michael Jackson died of food poisoning last night. He ate some 12 year old nuts.

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?" And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

http://tinyurl.com/y5dpso

http://www.pricelessfunnypictures.com/vidow/videos.php?video=468

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men
say
the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Den I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed pig," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi'."

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique.
The funny thing is that it works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.


See?.....You're smiling already

Podsjetnik na to kako talijani treniraju http://www.pricelessfunnypictures.com/vidow/videos.php?video=197

> Koji je razlog umora Nike Kranjcara ?
>
>
> Isti kao i njegovog postojanja, Cico ga nije izvadio van na vrijeme :))))
>

http://abum.com/file/shadow/animations/17632.swf

...na izboru za najsmiješniju pjesmu.




1st. place - Croatia: "Jebote kol'ko nas ima" :)

Da li znas kako zvuci tvoje ime na ruskom?

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters.

She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.

Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,

'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'

> Pozvao Todorić svoje tajkunsko društvo na zabavu, pa uz njih i manjeg
> poslovnog partnera Muju iz Doboja. Jede se, pije, razgovara s manekenkama,
> pleše. Oko ponoći, kad je atmosfera dosegla vrhunac, Todorić povede
> društvo do svoga bazena.
> - Evo vidite, dragi prijatelji, dok sam ja bio na poslovnom putu u
> inozemstvu u moj je bazen netko uvalio sedammetarskoga aligatora. Na
> sreću, otkrio sam to na vrijeme, i sada onome tko izvadi aligatora iz
> bazena nudim milijun eura...
> Nije ni dovršio rečenicu, a Mujo je već bio u bazenu. Aligator odmah jurne
> prema Muji, nastane komešanje, borba, prskanje vode, zakrvi se bazen.
> Poslije pet minuta borbe Mujo uspije uhvatiti aligatora oko vrata i, nakon
> kraćeg hrvanja pred šokiranom publikom, uspije ga i zadaviti...
> Izlazi Mujo sav podrapan i krvav iz bazena, a Todorić mu padne u zagrljaj.
> - Mujo, spasitelju moj, bit će mi zadovoljstvo da ti isplatim milijun
> eura.
> - Ma, jebo milijun eura - kaže Mujo na rubu snaga - šta će mi te pare...
> - Pa, Mujo, kako da ti se odužim - pita zaprepašteni Todorić.
> - Samo mi reci, jebo mu ja majku, ko me gurnu u bazen.

U jednom australskom TV kvizu do zadnjeg pitanja stigli su zupnik i
pastir.


Zadnje pitanje je bilo: Sastavite kiticu koja se rimuje sa Timbuktu
u 5 minuta.
Nakon isteka 5 minuta prvo svoju pjesmicu cita zupnik:

"I was a father all my life,

I had no children, had no wife,

I read the bible through and through

on my way to Timbuktu."



Publika je bila odusevljena zupnikovom pjesmicom i vec su skoro
njega proglasili pobjednikom, kad ustane pastir i pocne citati svoju
kompoziciju:



"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,

we met three ladies cheap to rent.

They were three and we were two,

so I booked one and Tim booked two."