Svaštara by The Kid

God bless the man who invented the television remote control.  It had to be a man that invented it, as a woman would have taken one look at her idea and said "What the hell would I do with one of these anyway!" It has been stated that dog is man's best friend, but in the last few years, I believe the television remote control has replaced that belief.
The following is man's worst fear (besides death, taxes and his wife calling out his name...) It is sitting down in his favourite chair, getting ready to watch television. He extends his hand to pick up his remote control from the end table and THE REMOTE CONTROL IS NOT THERE. Panic, dread and anger fill his soul and he leaps up and yells at the top of his lungs "Where the hell is my remote control!!!" Silence fills his once boisterous home as his wife and children stand at attention, ready at anytime for a strip search. He looks under all the cushions, under all the tables and chairs, under the rug and gives a demonic glare at his dog. Of course, after a half hour of searching every nook and cranny in the livingroom, his wife hands him the remote control and says "You left it in the washroom again..."
I still remember the first time I fell in love. I was thirteen and my mother handed me a remote control for the first time. She showed me how it changed the channels, lowered and raised the volume and turned the television off and on. This was the last time my mother ever touched the remote, as I had it in my possession from then on. It was love at first flick. This was even better than the first Playboy magazine I had just seen! My mother went off to do the laundry and I sat on the couch grasping the remote control with all my might. I felt the power surge through my veins. I was KING OF THE LIVING ROOM! As long as I had this little device in my little hand, I was in control.
The following I will remember the rest of my life. I pressed a button and the channel changed. I watched what was on the station for a good five seconds and then pressed the button again. A different channel, a different program and a different outlook on life! This was what life is all about! There would be the odd occasion when I would actually watch a complete show, but I had to have the remote control in my hand, just in case there was an emergency or something. Even if I had to go to the kitchen to get a snack or to the washroom, I carried it with me...just in case. When I die, I have asked my wife to make sure when I'm lying in my casket, to lovingly put the remote control in my crossed hands (batteries included, of course.)