Svaštara by The Kid

This story is probably an urban legend, and even if it is not I am fairly sure that it is quite impossible to get any references proving it. Also none of the participants have died or otherwise removed themselves from the gene pool, so I will leave it to the Darwin to file or reject this story as seen fit. This is just an account of a terminal case of human stupidity leading to a number of accidents. Here it goes.
The place is a small regional centre town in Soviet Union. The time is early 1980s. A local conference of college teachers is in progress. A few dozens of teachers came into town for the event and a few of them were situated in the local hotel. The hotel is very poor, but so are the teachers and 3 of them take a single room.
Since there is not much to do in a small town at night, certain amount of alcoholic beverages is obtained from a local store and consumed. During the conversation among the newly found friends one of the teachers (lets call him Dmitriy Petrovich) mentions that it is a medical fact, that it is impossible to take a light bulb out of ones mouth once it was inserted there.
This meets active disbelief of his two opponents who start questioning him as to what kind of light bulb he means and how come you cannot take it out, if you can put it in. Dmitriy Petrovich replies, that he is talking about a standard 100 Watt light bulbs such as the one lighting their room, but lacking medical education he doesn't know the reason for not being able to remove it.
Discussion heats up, and at some point one of his opponents decides that an experiment is necessary. Mind you, that all of the teachers in the room are PhDs in various fields of exact science. Obviously not one of them is a medic. The light bulb is then removed and the loudest opponent (lets call him Vladimir) puts it into his mouth.
In a few seconds it becomes clear that Dmitriy Petrovich was right, and it is quite impossible for Vladimir to remove the light bulb due to peculiar clenching of jaw muscles. After a short discussion the three friends decide to get Vladmir to a doctor.
They get out of the hotel, and stop a cab. They drive to the hospital where they have to relate the story of the accident to the night nurse, who, after almost choking herself with giggles, calls the ER doctor. The doctor carefully examines Vladimir, and unexpectedly hits him with his fist in the back of the jaw. Vladimirs jaw falls open and the doctor returns the light bulb to Dmitriy Petrovich, explaining that Vladimir is not going to be able to use his mouth for a couple of hours due to the over stressed jaw muscles.
The three teachers get back into a cab and start driving home, when the third teacher starts complaining that the other two are playing him for a fool, that this is medically impossible for such phenomenon to exist and that he is about to prove it.
He puts the light bulb into his mouth, the cab makes a U-turn and speeds back to the hospital. At the hospital, the nurse starts giggling when the three men enter the emergency room, and after hearing their new story falls of her chair laughing. After a little while she calls the surgeon, who chuckles, hits the 3rd teacher in the back of the jaw and removes the light bulb.
The cab has left, so the three friends catch another one. Dmitriy Petrovich gets onto the front seat and puts his mute friends with their jaws hanging open in the back. Cab driver is mildly surprised by the unusual company of an obviously drunk giggling man and two others looking like village idiots, and asks about it. Dmitriy Petrovich assures the driver that the other two are not idiots, but most educated people and the problem is their small argument about a light bulb.
After carefully listening to the whole story the driver asks what kind of light bulb is he talking about, and Dmitriy shows the hotel light bulb saying "this one". "Impossible" says the cab driver and in a few seconds the cab turns around and goes to the hospital.
When the nurse sees these guys the 3rd time inside 2 hours, she starts having rather serious breathing difficulties trying to laugh much harder then Mother Nature designed. After getting her in shape Dmitriy Petrovich makes her call the surgeon who, promptly hitting the cab driver in the jaw takes the light bulb and smashes it on the table saying that this should put an end to the story.
The four men get back into the cab and drive to the hotel. On the way they are stopped by the road patrol police unit. The policeman (militiaman) is very surprised to find that the only person able to speak in a car full of people is a rather drunk man who tells him a weird story about light bulbs. "I will be right back" replies the policeman, goes back to the road side station, Dmitriy and companions watch the light go off inside the station, and in a few seconds the policeman appears again. Using gestures he asks people on the back seat to move over. A metal end of a light bulb is sticking out of his mouth.
The cab goes back to the hospital. The nurse becomes hysterical with joy. After a few minutes of recuperation she goes to the cabinet of the surgeon to call him. She opens the door and falls to the floor unconscious. In the doorway appears the surgeon with his jaw hanging wide open.

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance; one of whom approached the colonel for conversation.
She said, “excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?”
“No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature!”
"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations, and said, “it looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
The colonel’s short reply was, “yes, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “you know, you should lighten up a little.....relax and enjoy yourself.”
The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “you know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”
She said, “well there you go, you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously ......i mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a little extreme?”
The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, “Oh, I don’t know. It’s only 2130 now.

A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
 
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:
Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?

1 to change the light bulb
 
1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
 
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
 
1 to talk in graphic detail about how sexy the light bulb was and thereby get himself/herself banned
 
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
 
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
 
53 to flame the spell checkers
 
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
 
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
 
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
 
99 people to say "you forgot ...."
 
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
 
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
 
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
 
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
 
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
 
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
 
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
 
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
 
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
 
6 that flame them for not using the Search feature
 
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
 
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
 
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
 
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
 
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
 
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
 
16 posts of two forum members that are exclusively talking to each other only about lightbulbs and what they did that weekend
 
24 posts of telling them to take it to PM's
 
1 moderator that comes in and says something about doing it wrong and that everyone who disagrees gets a warning
 
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
 
---------------------
Dugačko ali nadam se zabavno! :)
 
 

Ne znam da li se itko od vas zapita čemu služi nadasve tajanstveni Scroll Lock key na tastaturi? :) Neka dignu ruku oni koji su ga ikad koristili? Tako sam i mislio... :)
E, pa da podijelim s vama moje vrlo svježe spoznaje... Naime, nakon kratkotrajnog empirijskog istraživanja ustanovio sam danas da se pomoću njega može upaliti jedna lijepa zelena lampica - yes!!! :)
Dalja potraga na Googleu (samo ukucajte "scroll lock") je dala zanimljive rezultate, a na jednom siteu čak postoji i demonstracija kako se Scroll Lock uoptrebljava: http://users.aol.com/elmothecow/scrollock/scroloff.htm
Eto, ovo je konačan dokaz da je neke ljude (mene) lako zabaviti... :)
Lijep pozdrav,
TK

NEISKUSNI SUDAC NA KULINARSKOM NATJECANJU U SPRAVLJANJU CHILIJA Biljeske neiskusnog suca Franka u natjecanju cilija, u jednom mjestascu u Teksasu, u koji je Frank svratio na svom putu sa istocne obale:
"Nedavno sam dozivio cast da me izaberu za suca u natjecanju cilija. Pravi sudac se razbolio, a ja sam se nasao kraj sudackog stola raspitujuci se za najblizi bar, bas kad je on nazvao da javi da je sprijecen. Druga dva suca (rodjena Teksasanina) uvjeravali su me da cili nece biti prezacinjen i ljut, a s druge strane, rekli su mi, mogu piti piva koliko me volja, pa sam pristao." Evo sudackih listica sa natjecanja:
Cili Br.1 : Majkov Manijacki monstrum Sudac A: Malo previse paradajza. Zanimljiv tanjur cilija. Sudac B: Nelose, osjeca se paradajz. Vrlo umjeren cili. Frank : Jebote, sta je ovo?! S ovim se moze skidat sasusena boja sa asfalta. Trebalo mi je dvije pive da ugasim vatru. Nadam se da je ovo najzesci primjerak. Ovi Teksasani su ludi.
Cili Br.2 : Arturov Zapaljot sa zadrskom Sudac A: Cili s naznakom dimljene svinjetine. Lagani papreni stih. Sudac B: Uzbudljiv gust zara, mozda treba malo vise papra da bi se uzeo zaozbiljno. Frank: Drzite ovo dalje od domasaja djece. Nisam siguran sto bih trebao osjetiti osim boli. Morao sam odbiti dvojicu koji su mi htjeli napravit Heimlichov zahvat; mislili su da se davim jer mi je nesto zapelo u grlu. Dobio sam duplu dozu pive kad su mi prisutni vidjeli izraz lica.
Cili Br.3 : Fredova Spaljena stala Sudac A: Odlican cili. Treba malo vise graha. Sudac B: Fali graha. Malo preslan. Dobra upotreba crvene paprike. Frank: Zovite Institut za nuklearnu fiziku, upravo sam otkrio gdje curi uran. U nosu imam osjecaj kao da sam smrkao sumpornu kiselinu. Svi vec znaju redoslijed: jos pive dok nisam izgorio. Sankerica, stokilasica, me udarala po ledjima, pa mi je sad kicma u prednjem dijelu prsiju. Lice mi se objesilo od sve ove pive.  
Cili Br.4 : Bubbina Crna Magija Sudac A: Cili sa crnim grahom skoro bez ikakvog ukusa. Razocaravajuce. Sudac B: Mozda dobar prilog uz kakvu ribu ili neku slicnu laganu hranu. Nije bas neki cili. Frank: Osjetio sam da mi nesto dere jezik, ali nisam uspio prepoznati po ukusu sta. Mogu li osjetilne kvrzice na jeziku izgoriti? Sally, debela sankerica sto stoji iza mene sa spremnom pivom, se pocela palit na mene, ko sto pali i ovaj nuklearni otpad koji jedem. Pitam se da li je cili afrodizijak.  
Cili Br.5 : Lindin Legalni odstranjivac usana Sudac A: Dobar, pun cili. Dosta mesa. Friske papricice dodaju bas okus kako treba. Vrlo impresivno. Sudac B: Cili od trganog govedjeg mesa. Fali malo paradajza. Zato svjeza papricica popravlja opci dojam. Frank : Zvoni mi u usima, znoj mi izbija na celu, pogled mi je zamucen. Kad sam prdnuo cetvorici koji su stajali iza mene trebala je medicinska pomoc. Natjecateljica mi je izgledala malo uvrijedjeno kad sam rekao da mi je njen cili uzrokovao ostecenje mozga. Debela Sally mi je spasila jezik zaljevajuci ga velikim kolicinama pive direktno iz tocionika. Bojim se da su mi usne izgorile. Zbilja me smeta sto su me ostala dva suca zamolila da se prestanem derat. Proklete seljacine!  
Cili Br.6 : Verina Vegetarijanska raznovrsnost Sudac A: Slabasak a opet vrlo ukusan vegetarijanski cili. Dobra ravnoteza papra i ostalih mirodija. Sudac B: Do sada najbolji. Pravilna upotreba crvenog i bijelog luka. Savrseno. Frank : Utroba mi je vec kao kanalizacija puna plinovitih sumpornih plamenova. Doslovce sam se usrao u gace kad sam prdnuo od muke. Bojim se da ce ta govna poput kiseline progrist kroz stolicu. Svi izbjegavaju stajati iza mene osim one kurvetine Sally. Sve mi se cini da je uvrnutija nego sto sam mislio. Vise uopce ne osjecam usne. I trebam veliki komad leda da ga zabijem sebi u goruci supak.  
Cili Br.7 : Susanina Vristeca senzacija Sudac A: Slab cili koji se previse oslanja na konzervirane sastojke. Sudac B: Hm, kao da je kuhar ubacio zadnji cas cili iz konzerve. Moram pribiljeziti da sam pomalo zabrinut za Suca broj 3. Izgleda mi malcice pod stresom obzirom da nekontrolirano psuje bez prestanka. Frank : Mozete mi stavit rucnu bombu u usta i povuc osigurac a ja ne bih ama bas nista osjetio. Izgubio sam vid na jedno oko, a rijeci mi izlaze kao da grgljam kroz vodu. Kosulja mi je natopljena cilijem koji mi curi iz usta, niz bradu, a da toga uopce nisam svjestan. Hlace su mi pune govana uzarenih kao lava, sto se u potpunosti slaze sa bojom kosulje. Barem ce za vrijeme autopsije lako utvrditi uzrok smrti. Odlucio sam prestat disat. Previse je bolno. Ionako ne mogu uvlaciti kisik. Ako trebam zraka mogu ga jednostavno usisati kroz rupu na trbuhu.  
Cili Br. 8: Helenina Sveta Gora Sudac A: Secer na kraju. Ovo je pravi dobri cili,ne prejak a opet dovoljno sarf da budemo sigurni da postoji Sudac B: Zadnje jelo je odlican izbalansiran cili, ni preslab niprejak. Nazalost, vecina je upropastena kada se Sudac Br. 3 onesvijestio i ruseci se povukao lonac sa cilijem na sebe. Nisam siguran ´oce li prezivit. Jadnicak, pitam se kakve bi mu reakcije bile da je probao stvarno zacinjeni cili.  
Napomena: Sudac Br. 3 nije bio u stanju dati ocjenu.

U trgovinu ulazi kupac i gleda namjestaj. Namjestaj je visoke kvalitete i visokih cijena. U jednom trenutku kupac upita da li bi mogao kupiti polovicu jednog masivnog radnog stola.
Prodavac mu odgovori da mora upitati sefa prodavaone i uputi se u sefov ured, a da nije primjetio da za njime ide i kupac. Otvori vrata sefovog ureda i kaze: "Imam jednog idiota u trgovini koji zeli kupiti pola stola!" U tom trenutku primijeti zabezeknuti izraz na sefovom licu koji je iza prodavacevih leda ugledao kupca.
Prodavac se okrene i mrtav hladan nadoda: "A imam ovdje i jednog izuzetnog gospodina koji bi zelio kupiti drugu polovicu."
Nakon sto je situacija prebrodena, sef se okrene prema prodavacu i kaze: "Stvarno svaka cast, nisam mislio da se mozete izvuci iz jedne takve nezgodne situacije. Kako se zovete, odakle ste porijeklom?"
Prodavac: "Zovem se Horvat, iz Rijeke, grada velikih nogometasa i jeftinih kurvi!"
"Zaista?", kaze sef: "Moja zena je iz Rijeke".
Prodavac bez promjene u licu upita: "Zaista, za koji klub igra?"

http://users.pandora.be/soundx/
Be afraid... be very afraid...
:)

DRAGA SUPRUGO,
 
 
Protekle godine trudio sam se oko tebe točno 365 puta, pri čemu sam imao uspjeh 36 puta.
 
17 puta – ti je bilo hladno
10 puta – ti je bilo vruće
25 puta – su djeca bila još budna
20 puta – si bila umorna
83 puta – nisi mogla iz tehničkih razloga
5 puta – je bilo previše rano
25 puta – je bio otvoren prozor, pa bi netko mogao čuti
8 puta – su te boljela leđa
10 puta – si previše popila
21 put – nisi bila raspoložena
17 puta – je plakalo dijete, i dok sam ga ja umirio, ti si zaspala
10 puta – si rekla da ideš ginekologu
18 puta – si imala frizuru
15 puta – je bilo previše kasno
25 puta – si došla kasno s posla
20 puta – su ti u firmi digli tlak
 
U 36 slučajeva gdje sam imao uspjeh, 34 puta nije bilo zadovoljstva jer:
 
4 puta – je škripao krevet
5 puta – si me stalno upozoravala da pazim
8 puta – si me upravo pred kraj pitala da li sam zaključao vrata
1 put – sam prestao s aktivnošću jer si urlala pa sam mislio da te boli
8 puta – si iz kreveta konstatirala da treba obojiti plafon
8 puta – sam prestao s aktivnošću jer si zaspala
 
Nakon podrobne analize o uzrocima naše neaktivnosti i praćenja tvojih izgovora, sumnjam da će u ovoj slijedećoj godini zadovoljstvo biti postignuto.
Iskorištenost naših kapaciteta je samo 10%, što je po mišljenju stručnjaka neispravno, uzme li se u obzir da stroj koji se ne podmazuje i ne koristi, brže propada. Kako ja imam veliki interes u sačuvanju mog strojnog parka i ne želim da brzo propadne, odlučio sam potražiti alternativna rješenja i našao sam dva:
 

prijelaz na ručnu obradu
promjena partnera, to jest tebe (outsourcing)
 
Ovime te obavještavam da sam odabrao alternativu 2. kao povoljniju, dinamičniju i moderniju (alternativa 1. bi značila povratak u prošlost).
 
Ako te tko pita gdje sam, možeš kazati da sam otišao kupiti cigarete.
 
Tvoj bivši suprug
 

<mos6581> i made a pornomovie once. though, i had such a small budget that i couldn't afford to hire any actors, so i had to act all alone. I gave the movie a name "hand".

... try this:
 
1. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section
 
2. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by  "Johnson and Johnson." Be very sure you get this brand
 
3. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone, so you will not be disturbed during your therapy
 
4. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed
 
5. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken
 
6. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"
 
7. Now close your eyes and repeat out loud fifty times: "I am SO glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and  Johnson Company."

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop... but at the bar... you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsies roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?... "
"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
...and, they lived happily ever after.

<Paradox> So, guys, I have some news.
<Paradox> I know I usually don't talk much about stuff unless it's solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.
<Paradox> I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition.
* volsung_ perks up.
<Paradox> Apparently, there are lesbians that want my 'hard cock.'
* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.
<volsung_> :)
<Paradox> They want it 'now,' apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.
<volsung_> Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?
<Paradox> I'm not sure.
<volsung_> I'm sure your hard cock is in great demand.  An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.

The Room: AOL Thirty Something Chatroom The Time:  11:00 p.m EST The places: Lanny and Angel's bedrooms in distant parts of the cyber galaxy
The Chatters: Cyber4U, InTooDeep, MarriedbutDead, StillMarriedWishIwasDead, FrankGifford, Angel4Kix, Angel4Cyber, SlightlyHung, TooManyAngels, LannyGrover, Angel4u, Harderthanyourhusband, Sweet Cheeks/Male56
An Instant Message appears across the scene of Lanny's computer:  
Angel4Cyber: Hi. How R U?
Lanny: Who is this?
Angel4Cyber: My name's Angel....how r u?
Lanny: HEY! I know who this is..one of those hackers trying to get my credit card.  DAMN YOU you thief-
Angel4Cyber: For heaven's sake, I'm not a hacker...
Lanny:Oh, sorry. Anyway, I was smart enough after the last time I was ripped off to change my Visa Card number from 6278178965781111 to 6382900986228211
Angel4Cyber: Ummmm, okay.................I'm just a girl looking 4 a good time. My name is Angel.
Lanny: Angle, that's a pretty name.
Angel4Cyber: Thank you..but it's Angel. I like your profile.
Lanny: Hey, how can you see my profile. I'm not even turning sideways... HEY can you see me with one of those sex cams???
Angel4Cyber: No, Lanny. Not if you don't own one. Um..is Lanny your real name, and.. are you over 16?
Lanny: I'm 41 but I'm sorry I won't tell you my real name.
Angel4Cyber: Why?
Lanny: The last woman I chatted with was a psycho and started sending me death threats in the mail.
Angel4Cyber: Oh my, that's awful. Is she still stalking you?
Lanny: No. Luckily she found someone else with a better credit card rating.
Angel4Cyber: Haven't seen u here before. Do u want to get to know me better? I'm 5'5, 120 lbs, 34/24/34.
Lanny: What are all those numbers, your phone number??? I'm in Canada-we just have seven digits.
Angel4Cyber: Um, no. Those are my measurements. I'm a dancer/actress/model and I work out 4 hours a day.
Lanny: You work out? I mostly work inside. I'm an elevator repair man. Don't you sometimes get too cold working outside so much?
Angel4Cyber: No, silly! I mean I EXERCISE MY BODY...
Lanny: God, you must think I'm stuppid.
Angel4Cyber: Don't worry about it...So, what do you look like? :)
Lanny: I've been told I look like a cross between Wayne Newton and the guy who lives across the street from my aunt's house.
Angel4Cyber: Just a minute, it's very hot in here. Do you mind if I slip off these pants and get more comfortable...
Lanny: Ok. I have to go feed my dog while you do that. He needs his ringworm medication every 6 hours or his stools get very nasty. Be right back.
Angel4Cyber: Oh go right ahead..I'll be waiting. (Angela4Cyber clicks other user profiles anxiously looking for someone else to talk to)
Lanny: OK I'm back. Sorry I took so long. I had to wash my hands really good as my dog puked up his medicine again. Hey, what's this file in my computer. HEY ARE YOU SENDING ME A VIRUS ANGLE?
Angel4Cyber: Calm down Lanny. That's a picture of me. Open it up. It's safe.
Lanny: No, I better go ask my wife first. I'm not allowed to download anything without her permission..be right back-
Angel4Cyber: NO, LANNY! Um..there's no need to show your wife this picture... Just calm down and open it.
Lanny: WOW!! WOW!! You look EXACTLY like an old poster I had for years!!!! I swear you look just like Farah Facet Majors without all the wrinkles. Did you pose for a poster too???
Angel4Cyber: Um.. no, that's just a photo I had taken last week. That's really me, honest...Now will you tell me your real name?
Lanny: Well.. um.. I-I-
Angel4Cyber: Fine. I'll just start chatting with InTooDeep then..
Lanny: WAIT! As long as you are not a stalker. I'm Lanny Grover and I live at 56 Crown St. in Toronto Canada, Postal Code K6V IV4 but maybe I shouldn't tell you that.
Angel4Cyber: Oh, don't worry...you can trust me. I'm taking my silk blouse off, Lanny..
Lanny: Aren't you worried you'll catch a cold?
Angel4Cyber. Well, if you saw me topless right now you would know it's a bit chilly here..
Lanny: It gets cold here too at night. My wife won't turn the heater up past 62 degrees and-
Angel4Cyber: I'm getting really hot Lanny.
Lanny: Make up your mind, you just said you were cold.
Angel4Cyber: Tell me what you are wearing.
Lanny: I'm wearing blue boxer shorts and a Bart Simpson Tee Shirt.
Angel4Cyber: Why don't you take off your shirt for me, Lanny..
Lanny: WHY? It's a really funny one with Bart and this really fat woman and it says "Crack Kills".. Have you seen it?
(long pause from Angel4Cyber)
Angel4Cyber: You know, to tell you the truth I'm a bit busy right now and-
Lanny: Did I mention I'm 6' 3" 200 lbs and can bench press 300 pounds?
Angel4Cyber: *Perking*
Lanny? What.. you're having coffee at this hour???????
Angel4Cyber: No.. I mean..*wow* meaning.. that sounds just.. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Lanny: OH my God! You spilt your coffee on the keyboard didn't you? Now your keyboard is sticking!!
Angel4Cyber: NO, Lanny for crissakes I'm not having any coffee! I mean MMMMMMMMMM..Like.."I"M EXCITED"..do you get it? Can you possibly freaking keep up here, you putz??
Lanny: OH I GET IT! It's those EMOTICONS! I bought that book INTERNET for IDIOTS to learn those, but I forgot where I put it-
Angel4Cyber: I think I'm getting a migraine.
Lanny:But I remember some of them...Let's see:
happy face is :) Sad face is :O WINK is : ::):):):) and confused is   :)
Angel4Cyber: You have a great sense of humor... Now I'm really getting hot... can u call me Lanny?
Lanny: Why would I call you my own name?????????
Angel4Cyber: No.......u know.. CALL me..on the fone.. 
Lanny: No, I can't, I'm trying to cut back on my fone bill..but..HEY..WAIT you mean call you for fonesex???? 
Angel4Cyber:: I'll bet you have a sexy voice::.. yes that's what I mean Lanny...
Lanny: I tried that phone sex once but I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do with the receiver.
Angel4Cyber: *Sigh* Lanny, do you want to get off with me or not!!!!?
Lanny: Get off? Angle, I just signed on and I have 5 more free hours!!. I got this great deal through my phone company and a free phone card and-
Angel4Cyber: I MEAN CYBERSEX!!!!
Lanny: Wow!!! My wife just left the house,too!. I'd like to try that stuff out.
Angel4Cyber: Finally!.. Now listen carefully.. when you start to get turned on, you type "oooooooooooooo", get it? 
I'm completely naked now Lanny and I'm starting to-
Lanny: 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Angel4Cyber: This isn't the time to be cracking jokes.
Lanny: I'm done. That was great.
Angel4Cyber: Are you SERIOUS???
Lanny: I get excited easily. I'm sorry, Angle.
Angel4Cyber: Jesus, what an ass. And it's ANGEL you jerk!!
*click*
USER ANGEL4Cyber is no longer online:
Lanny: Hello? ::clicking keyboard: HELLO?? ANGLE?
:) :) :):):):):):):):):):):)
It says you are no longer online? Tell me if this is true please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Tragic End :(

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the guy say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"