izmedju tijela i sna, ova je ordinacija.

(u ovom citatu jasno da sve sto vrijedi za mushko-zensko, moze vrijediti i za zensko-musko, tj. obrat uloga je moguc...)

The trouble with falling in love is that the fall can terminate against the cold concrete of betrayal. Pain replaces promise, cynicism flowers in place of confidence and hope flees on wings of misled desire.
If both of you gave it your honest best, and it failed to work out, then it's the kind of pain that can heal in time. The experience can even increase the chances for future relationship success. But there are times when the object of your lost affection intensifies the pain-times when someone who looks like the perfect choice turns out to be the perfect heel. And the damage may not be easily undone.
Unlike men that can honestly struggle with their own uncertainties and confusions about a relationship, and recognize the part they play in creating problems and conflicts, there are other kinds of men that see love as a game and you as their pawn. In this cruelly covert contest, cunning is their watchword, deception is their fix, and control is their high.
(dobro, ovo je malo pretjerano u ovom mom, ili nasem, slucaju, rekao bih...)
To these violent men, control is like oxygen. Every sign of submission from others is like the breath of life, falsely confirming their delusion that only brute force affirms their worth. Failing to dominate a woman triggers loose a choking fear in these men, which they cannot face. That hidden fear is the truth that threatens their common delusion of godlike invincibility and exposes them as frightened little men, terrified of everyone and everything, including their own guilt. But guilt, for them, is intolerable.
(ali je zato ovo meni jako zanimljiv point o kajanju... hm, hm, tko me ne zna... boze, pa nisam valjda bas takav?!! ma ne, treba se to shvatiti u nijansama, ali da ima zanimljivih detalja i poveznica, ima...)
They twist responsibility for their cruel actions away from themselves and lay it onto their victims. Their domineering maneuvers are magically excused in their minds. They project their own selfish, manipulative and deceptive defects of character onto the very people they harm, while persistently and vigorously proclaiming themselves as blameless.
Control, itself, is not inherently negative. Everyone wants some form of it. It would be sheer folly to want none in a relationship, especially if you have experienced previous betrayal. But there is a critical difference between healthy and unhealthy control.
A healthy desire for control originates in a need to protect-either someone else or your self. Until a toddler learns the limits of safety and danger in the home, its only source of protection is its parents' limit-setting controls. Movement control is harm control. Love is the motive. Protection is the goal.
(ovo je makijavelizam koji mrzim. a opet ocito je i tu point u nijansama, pravoj mjeri stvari... jer ljutnja na taj makijavelisticki pristup moze biti posljedica bijega od odgovornosti...?)
Unhealthy control originates in a desire to dominate another, either through words or actions designed to both charm and harm--to captivate while simultaneously damaging the emotionally captured. It is this pairing of charm with harm that is the hallmark of Controller manipulations. Preaching sugar while practicing poison, they are experts at concealing their true natures. Hiding bad intentions beneath polished appearances, they have perfected the art of "looking good." It is this uncanny ability of Controllers to alternate looking good with manipulative behavior that perpetuates tormenting emotional snares for those they target as victims. Regret is not in their psychological vocabulary. They harm others because they feel entitled to hurt people. It is not a matter of moral right or wrong to them when they inflict harm. It's only a matter of believing that they "have the right." And if they always believe that right is on their side, which they always do, then any harmful act is always justified.
In over twenty year's work as a therapist, one of the eeriest experiences has been in listening to clients describing control-obsessed parents or partners. It is as if many of the people I have counseled had the same mother, father or relationship partner, stamped out of a small collection of similar molds. Or that all control-obsessed individuals took the same set of courses at Controller College-some with a specialty in narcissistic personality, others in being sociopathic and still others in sadistic or borderline psychopathology. The behaviors and attitudes of each type are so astonishingly similar, it seems as if they must all belong to the same bowling team.
(ovo je _jako_ zanimljivo... ‘control-obsessed parents’. da, reci cete kako je to glupo i bez veze, i poznato, da se sve uvijek moze ‘blame it on parents’, ali zaista kad gledam to mi se cini najlogicniji uzrok moje takve karakterne znacajke: roditelji koji na taj neki suptilni nacin vrse emocionalno podrivanje i kontrolu, vjerojatno mogu uzrokovati pojavu takvih nalik znacajki kod djece? ionako se sve sto se uci, uci iz primjera...?! !)
(diskusija s ROMEO'S BLEEDING When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong Part 1-Control By Roger Melton, M.A., L.M.F.T., CEAP)
(to be continued... indefinitly?, i da, lakse bi mozda bilo, s rucicom u ruci hodit spoznajnim putevima... ne boj se, da, boj me se... volim te sto te trebam. :))