Svaštara by The Kid

All of my life I have hated the world of insects. You name the bug and I hate it. I suppose the top insects I dislike would be mosquitos, ants and bees. Flies are kind of cool though. Yes, they are filthy creatures from the bowels of hell but they are fun to swat and kill. I think they get a kick out of being chased from room to room. They will buzz around you until you are half insane and you grab the fly swatter. Of course, then the fly vanishes into thin air. (It's probably just around the corner, snickering...) Put the swatter down and within a minute it is back buzzing around your smelly feet. In the long run the fly knows it's going to be performing an elaborate death scene but it sure gets a kick out of teasing you. Damn flies...I almost like them. I almost feel that when I kill one I should perform a religious ceremony and sprinkle it with holy water.
Mosquitos are not cool at all. One of my first memories as a little boy is a mosquito buzzing in my ear and it telepathically said to me "Have a good life, kid, I'll be irrattating the hell out of you until you are six feet under!".  I once had two mosquitos fly into my ear and they mated. The birth scene seven days later was annoying as hell...
I guess bees are my least favorite insect and in the last week I've especially grown to hate them a lot. We have an unfinished basement and somehow two or three bees would get into the room every day and drive me up a wall.  We didn't want to use any bug spray in the house so I found where they were getting in from outside and decided to spray there. It worked wonders. Not a single bee was now outside! 
It was now the battle of the bees starring the biggest chicken in the whole world and his trusty fly swatter. Every day I would kill up to twelve bees with my swatter and whatever else I could get my hands on, excluding a bb gun. After a few days of warfare (which surprisingly CNN never covered) it was down to the final annoying bee and me. I knew, since I weighed approximately 567,456,234 times more than the bee, I had a decent chance of winning the war. Plus I'm more intelligent but don't tell my wife I said that.
It was me against the bee from hell. It kept flying around the basement light, showing off it's flying prowess. Doing fancy little dips and flips as if I was a judge in the Insect Olympics. I took my very manly pink fly swatter and swatted in a very  limp-wristed way at the smart-assed scrawny little bugger. I wasn't exactly the Babe Ruth of fly swatting so I sort of missed it by a few inches (okay, feet...) I swear the bee had it in for me because his buzz was getting very arrogant. Since we had no bug spray in the house I took out a can of Glade "Melon Burst". My theory in using the air freshener was the spray would get the bee's wings all sticky and he (or she...) would fall to the floor and surrender. 
I sprayed the bee but it kept on doing fancy flips and dips. At least the bee smelled melony fresh now. After three or four swats at the bee I was starting to look foolish. I was determined that the next swat was going to be the one. I swear this was like slow motion. The bee flew away from me and all of a sudden it was coming right for my head. Perhaps I was hallucinating from too much air freshener in the air but I think it stuck it's tongue out at me. It was about a foot away from my honey skinned face when I screamed out "DIE DIE DIE!!!" and I hit the bugger dead on and it flew like a baseball being hit out of Rigley Park. Damn showoff of a bee even did a fancy pirouette for it's death scene. I'd give it a 9.20 out of 10.
Since that two hour battle I have become quite the expert in bee killing. Now I carry my trusty pink flyswatter and my can of Glade "Melon Burst" wherever I go and not a single bee comes within a mile of me. Come to think of it, neither does a single human being.