Svaštara by The Kid

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So, I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.
Then I quit for good. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "That dog is amazing.... Why on earth are youselling him so cheaply?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Adam came home late one night. Eve was anxious, but did not say anything. Finally, Adam told her, "You damn well know there isn't any other gals around!!!" They went to sleep, quiet. In the middle of the night, Adam woke up with a start, feeling a tickling on his body. He woke up finding it was Eve, who looked up at her husband and said, sheepishly, "I was only counting your ribs..."

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o.
Baths were a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the first bath and clean water, then all the other menfolk, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all were the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".
Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood support underneath. It was the only place for animals to be warm, so the pets... dogs, cats and other small creatures lived IN the roof. When it rained the roof often would become slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall from the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies to catch the bugs and prevent them from falling into bed with the occupant.
Floor were dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, floors which would get slippery when wet in the winter. So, they spread thresh (corn husks and straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door the thresh would start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way to prevent this, hence a "thresh hold".
They cooked in the kitchen in a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme: "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man "could really bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened most often with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes... for 400 years. Most people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trencher were never washed and a lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust".
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and re-use the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people while still alive. So they thought to tie a string on their wrist of those buried, and lead the string through the coffin, up through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would sit in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence on the "graveyard shift" they would know that someone was either "saved by the bell," or was a "dead ringer".

The Case for the Empire
From the May 16, 2002 Daily Standard: Everything you think you know about Star Wars is wrong.
by Jonathan V. Last
12/26/2002 12:00:00 AM  
Jonathan V. Last, online editor ---------------- STAR WARS RETURNS today with its fifth installment, "Attack of the Clones." There will be talk of the Force and the Dark Side and the epic morality of George Lucas's series. But the truth is that from the beginning, Lucas confused the good guys with the bad. The deep lesson of Star Wars is that the Empire is good.  
It's a difficult leap to make--embracing Darth Vader and the Emperor over the plucky and attractive Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia--but a careful examination of the facts, sorted apart from Lucas's off-the-shelf moral cues, makes a quite convincing case.  
First, an aside: For the sake of this discussion, I've considered only the history gleaned from the actual Star Wars films, not the Expanded Universe. If you know what the Expanded Universe is and want to argue that no discussion of Star Wars can be complete without considering material outside the canon, that's fine. However, it's always been my view that the comic books and novels largely serve to clean up Lucas's narrative and philosophical messes. Therefore, discussions of intrinsic intent must necessarily revolve around the movies alone. You may disagree, but please don't e-mail me about it.  
If you don't know what the Expanded Universe is, well, uh, neither do I.
 
I. The Problems with the Galactic Republic  
At the beginning of the Star Wars saga, the known universe is governed by the Galactic Republic. The Republic is controlled by a Senate, which is, in turn, run by an elected chancellor who's in charge of procedure, but has little real power.  
Scores of thousands of planets are represented in the Galactic Senate, and as we first encounter it, it is sclerotic and ineffectual. The Republic has grown over many millennia to the point where there are so many factions and disparate interests, that it is simply too big to be governable. Even the Republic's staunchest supporters recognize this failing: In "The Phantom Menace," Queen Amidala admits, "It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." In "Attack of the Clones," young Anakin Skywalker observes that it simply "doesn't work."  
The Senate moves so slowly that it is powerless to stop aggression between member states. In "The Phantom Menace" a supra-planetary alliance, the Trade Federation (think of it as OPEC to the Galactic Republic's United Nations), invades a planet and all the Senate can agree to do is call for an investigation. 
Like the United Nations, the Republic has no armed forces of its own, but instead relies on a group of warriors, the Jedi knights, to "keep the peace." The Jedi, while autonomous, often work in tandem with the Senate, trying to smooth over quarrels and avoid conflicts. But the Jedi number only in the thousands--they cannot protect everyone.  
What's more, it's not clear that they should be "protecting" anyone. The Jedi are Lucas's great heroes, full of Zen wisdom and righteous power. They encourage people to "use the Force"--the mystical energy which is the source of their power--but the truth, revealed in "The Phantom Menace," is that the Force isn't available to the rabble. The Force comes from midi-chlorians, tiny symbiotic organisms in people's blood, like mitochondria. The Force, it turns out, is an inherited, genetic trait. If you don't have the blood, you don't get the Force. Which makes the Jedi not a democratic militia, but a royalist Swiss guard. 
And an arrogant royalist Swiss guard, at that. With one or two notable exceptions, the Jedi we meet in Star Wars are full of themselves. They ignore the counsel of others (often with terrible consequences), and seem honestly to believe that they are at the center of the universe. When the chief Jedi record-keeper is asked in "Attack of the Clones" about a planet she has never heard of, she replies that if it's not in the Jedi archives, it doesn't exist. (The planet in question does exist, again, with terrible consequences.)  
In "Attack of the Clones," a mysterious figure, Count Dooku, leads a separatist movement of planets that want to secede from the Republic. Dooku promises these confederates smaller government, unlimited free trade, and an "absolute commitment to capitalism." Dooku's motives are suspect--it's not clear whether or not he believes in these causes. However, there's no reason to doubt the motives of the other separatists--they seem genuinely to want to make a fresh start with a government that isn't bloated and dysfunctional.  
The Republic, of course, is eager to quash these separatists, but they never make a compelling case--or any case, for that matter--as to why, if they are such a freedom-loving regime, these planets should not be allowed to check out of the Republic and take control of their own destinies. 
 
II. The Empire
We do not yet know the exact how's and why's, but we do know this: At some point between the end of Episode II and the beginning of Episode IV, the Republic is replaced by an Empire. The first hint comes in "Attack of the Clones," when the Senate's Chancellor Palpatine is granted emergency powers to deal with the separatists. It spoils very little to tell you that Palpatine eventually becomes the Emperor. For a time, he keeps the Senate in place, functioning as a rubber-stamp, much like the Roman imperial senate, but a few minutes into Episode IV, we are informed that the he has dissolved the Senate, and that "the last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away."  
Lucas wants the Empire to stand for evil, so he tells us that the Emperor and Darth Vader have gone over to the Dark Side and dresses them in black.  
But look closer. When Palpatine is still a senator, he says, "The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good." At one point he laments that "the bureaucrats are in charge now."  
Palpatine believes that the political order must be manipulated to produce peace and stability. When he mutters, "There is no civility, there is only politics," we see that at heart, he's an esoteric Straussian.  
Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet. It's a dictatorship people can do business with. They collect taxes and patrol the skies. They try to stop organized crime (in the form of the smuggling rings run by the Hutts). The Empire has virtually no effect on the daily life of the average, law-abiding citizen. 
Also, unlike the divine-right Jedi, the Empire is a meritocracy. The Empire runs academies throughout the galaxy (Han Solo begins his career at an Imperial academy), and those who show promise are promoted, often rapidly. In "The Empire Strikes Back" Captain Piett is quickly promoted to admiral when his predecessor "falls down on the job."  
And while it's a small point, the Empire's manners and decorum speak well of it. When Darth Vader is forced to employ bounty hunters to track down Han Solo, he refuses to address them by name. Even Boba Fett, the greatest of all trackers, is referred to icily as "bounty hunter." And yet Fett understands the protocol. When he captures Solo, he calls him "Captain Solo." (Whether this is in deference to Han's former rank in the Imperial starfleet, or simply because Han owns and pilots his own ship, we don't know. I suspect it's the former.)  
But the most compelling evidence that the Empire isn't evil comes in "The Empire Strikes Back" when Darth Vader is battling Luke Skywalker. After an exhausting fight, Vader is poised to finish Luke off, but he stays his hand. He tries to convert Luke to the Dark Side with this simple plea: "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. . . . Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy." It is here we find the real controlling impulse for the Dark Side and the Empire. The Empire doesn't want slaves or destruction or "evil." It wants order.  
None of which is to say that the Empire isn't sometimes brutal. In Episode IV, Imperial stormtroopers kill Luke's aunt and uncle and Grand Moff Tarkin orders the destruction of an entire planet, Alderaan. But viewed in context, these acts are less brutal than they initially appear. Poor Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen reach a grisly end, but only after they aid the rebellion by hiding Luke and harboring two fugitive droids. They aren't given due process, but they are traitors.  
The destruction of Alderaan is often cited as ipso facto proof of the Empire's "evilness" because it seems like mass murder--planeticide, even. As Tarkin prepares to fire the Death Star, Princess Leia implores him to spare the planet, saying, "Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons." Her plea is important, if true.  
But the audience has no reason to believe that Leia is telling the truth. In Episode IV, every bit of information she gives the Empire is willfully untrue. In the opening, she tells Darth Vader that she is on a diplomatic mission of mercy, when in fact she is on a spy mission, trying to deliver schematics of the Death Star to the Rebel Alliance. When asked where the Alliance is headquartered, she lies again.  
Leia's lies are perfectly defensible--she thinks she's serving the greater good--but they make her wholly unreliable on the question of whether or not Alderaan really is peaceful and defenseless. If anything, since Leia is a high-ranking member of the rebellion and the princess of Alderaan, it would be reasonable to suspect that Alderaan is a front for Rebel activity or at least home to many more spies and insurgents like Leia.  
Whatever the case, the important thing to recognize is that the Empire is not committing random acts of terror. It is engaged in a fight for the survival of its regime against a violent group of rebels who are committed to its destruction.
 
III. After the Rebellion  
As we all know from the final Star Wars installment, "Return of the Jedi," the rebellion is eventually successful. The Emperor is assassinated, Darth Vader abdicates his post and dies, the central governing apparatus of the Empire is destroyed in a spectacular space battle, and the rebels rejoice with their small, annoying Ewok friends. But what happens next?  
(There is a raft of literature on this point, but, as I said at the beginning, I'm going to ignore it because it doesn't speak to Lucas's original intent.)  
In Episode IV, after Grand Moff Tarkin announces that the Imperial Senate has been abolished, he's asked how the Emperor can possibly hope to keep control of the galaxy. "The regional governors now have direct control over territories," he says. "Fear will keep the local systems in line."  
So under Imperial rule, a large group of regional potentates, each with access to a sizable army and star destroyers, runs local affairs. These governors owe their fealty to the Emperor. And once the Emperor is dead, the galaxy will be plunged into chaos. 
In all of the time we spend observing the Rebel Alliance, we never hear of their governing strategy or their plans for a post-Imperial universe. All we see are plots and fighting. Their victory over the Empire doesn't liberate the galaxy--it turns the galaxy into Somalia writ large: dominated by local warlords who are answerable to no one.  
Which makes the rebels--Lucas's heroes--an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who wreck the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back.  
I'll take the Empire.
 
Jonathan V. Last is online editor of The Weekly Standard.

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............
:)

A lady walks into the chemist and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
The pharmacist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The lady says "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason." says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
He looks at the photo and says "Oh, pardon me, I didn't realise you had a prescription."

1)is it in?
2)that's it?
3)you've got to be kidding me.
4)(phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you?
5)do i have to pay for this?
6)do i have to call you tomorrow?
7)oh momma, momma!
8)oh dadda, dadda!
9)you look better in the dark.
10)this is much better than my last girl/boyfriend.
11)i thought that goes in the other hole....
12)don't tell my husband/wife.
13)you have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it).
14)this sucks.
15)can you finish now? i have a meeting...
16)i hope you don't expect a raise for this...
17)i think you might get the job for this.
18)damn! is that all you know what to do.
19)did i tell you, i have herpes?
20)now we must get married.
21) hurry up, the games about to start.
22)i'm hungry.
23)i'm thirsty.
24)zzzzzzzzzzzz.
25)are you trying to be funny?
26)can i have a ride home after this?
27)are those real?
28)by the way, i want to break up.
29)is that smell coming from you?
30)haven't you ever done this before?
31)wow!! i've never seen those before (then grope wildly).
32)do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
33)you're so much like your sister....
34)your mom's cute.
35)what's your name again?
36)do i have to be here in the morning?
37)a second time? i barely stayed awake the first time!
38)but you just started!!
39)you're about as good as a 9 year old, and i should know!!
40)don't touch that!!
41)can we order a pizza?
42)i think my dad is listening at the door.
43)smile for the camera, honey!!!
44)take off that damn monkey glove!!
45)get your hand out of there!!
46)i think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
47)i knew you wore a padded bra!!
48)cover me boys, i'm going in!!!
49)DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
50)Fire one!
51)God, that is small!!
52)hold on, let me change the channel...
53)who smells like fish?
54)is it o.k. if my mom (and/or dad) joins in?
55)your best-friend does it much better.
56)hope you don't mind i left my boots on.
57)hurry up, the motor's runnin'.
58)you're fogging up the wind-sheild.
59)can i borrow 5 bucks?
60)what the hell noise was that?!
61)stop moaning, you sound so stupid.
62)shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)
63)you know, you're not really attractive.
64)i'm sorry, i was not listening.
65)what, oh yea, i love you too, now let me concentrate!!
66)stop interrupting me!!
67)i have to take a shit.
68)did i leave the iron on?
69)your breath is funky.
70)(start singing Green Day).
71)is it o.k. if i call someone, its o.k. though, keep going....
72)its ok honey, i can imagine that its bigger.
73)god i wish you were a real woman.
74)why can't you ever shave your legs?
75)by the way, when i drove over here, i ran over your dog....
76)oh susan, susan... i mean donna.... shit.
77)your breast milk is like my mom's....
78)you're hairy!!
79)your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.
80)is it o.k. if i never see you again?
81)did i forget to tell you i got worms from my cat?
82)don't make that face at me!
83)all of a sudden i have a headache.
84)you're boring.
85)i like your tits.
86)suck my dick, bitch.
87)how much do i owe you?
88)How come we each have a penis?
89)of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'l kill me!
90)your ass is hairy (the guy says this).
91)just use your finger, its bigger.
92)does your family have to watch?
93)we'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
94)get off me, i'll do it myself!!!!
95)can you hold this sandwhich for me?
96)you're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.
97)the only reason i'm doing this is because i'm drunk.
98)my mom taught me this.....
99)how cute... peach fuzz!
100)Damn girl! my tits are bigger than your's!
101)should i ask why you're bleeding?
102)this is my pet rat, larry....
103)if you can't do it, i'll find someone else who can!
104)i haven't had this much sex since i was a hooker!
105)i was once a woman...
106)wanna see me take out my glass eye?
107)no i don't love your mind, i can't grab that!!
108)is it o.k. if i tell my friends about this?
109)i'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
110)you wanted me to use a condom?
111)you're no better than my brother!!
112)mooooo!!
113)Fire in the hole!!!
114)i wanna see how many quaters i can fit in there.
115)hurry up, i'm late for a date.
116)o.k. start...oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE??!!
117)you ever see basic instinct?
118)i'm out of condoms, can i use a sock?
119)don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
120)Did i tell you where my cold sore came from?
121)you got boogies showing.
122)(start reciting the 10 commandments).
123)i think i just shit on your bed.
124)of course i don't love you.
125)let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t. 

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?!
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner.
Woman: I suppose the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. Wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about 2 inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things -your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the
house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then... A student took the jar, which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. Which proves: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a beer.

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then, casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," James replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
James Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you?"
"It says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken, because I am wearing panties!"
James smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes here are low and it is not raining.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both “bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting laid.

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
 
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
 
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
 
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday

E-IQ 0 - 60 emocionalno retardiran: sjediš pred televizorom, gledaš tekmu, piješ pivu.  Jedina eventualna naznaka emocionalnog impulsa dolazi kad te zasvrbe jaja.
E-IQ 60 - 90 emocionalno glup: sjediš pred televizorom, gledaš tekmu, piješ pivu. Boban se oprašta od nogometa, to je kulminacija tvoje emocionalnosti.  U jednom trenutku tvoja emocionalnost prošišti na iberlauf, digneš pivu i ponosno vičeš "Zvone, hvala ti!"
E-IQ 90 - 110 emocionalno prosječan: sjedis pred televizorom, piješ pivu. Gane te kad se Lesi vrati kuci. I ti bi htio imat Lesija.
E-IQ 110 - 160 natprosječno emocionalan: postaješ emocionalno povodljiv. Žao ti je crnaca u Africi. Zabrinjava te posljednja izglasana rezolucija u UN-u glede situacije u Laosu. Plačeš nad ogrebanim štosdemferom na autu. Strašno te vrijeđa sto žene imaju menstrualni ciklus. To je za tebe nepravda, a i ne mozes ševit večeras.
E-IQ 160 - 210 super-emocionalnost: nije ti jasno zašto neki gledaju televizor i piju pivu, kad ima dobrog drustva i finih vina. Potresa te kad vidiš izgubljenu macu. Okrećeš glavu na drugu stranu, jer si previše emocionalan.  Kazeš ženi da je voliš dva put mjesečno kad ona želi kuhat kelj za ručak, samo da ga ne kuha. Stvarno je voliš zbog toga!
E-IQ 210 -------- emocionalna MENSA: uživaš u svemu. Ujutro te razgale ptičice na grani. Istrčavas van i grliš sunce. Zuriš u oblake i gledaš kako polako proždiru planine na horizontu. Počinje kišiti, hvataš kišne kapi u rajnglu da se ne rasipaju bez veze. Poslije rajnglu izliješ u potok i ganut gledaš kako se ribice veselo praćakaju. Razdragano gledaš igru male djece u pijesku, pogotovo djevojčica. Osjećaš neku natprirodnu povezanost sa ženskim spolom, iako ti nije jasno od čega ona dolazi. Možda je to nešto iskonski. Da li je to atavizam preuzet od nekih naših davnih predaka? Ameba možda? To te duboko prožima cijeli život. Umireš u mukama, ne našavši pravi odgovor.
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Lijep pozdrav! :)
The Kid

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

Otkako sam došla u Zagreb studirati, ulijenila sam se u pisanju i žao mi je da vam nisam već i prije pisala. Imam puno novosti. Predlažem vam da lijepo sjednete prije nego nastavite s čitanjem. Ne smijete čitati dok ne sjednete, u redu?
Ovdje mi je lijepo. Fraktura lubanje koju sam imala (kad sam skočila kroz prozor sobe jer je izbio požar) je zacijelila. Samo sam dva tjedna bila u bolnici i sada već dobro vidim, glavobolje imam samo povremeno. Sreća, da je moj skok kroz prozor vidio dežurni na obližnjoj benzinskoj pumpi i odmah je pozvao liječnike i vatrogasce. Bio je vrlo ljubazan i posjetio me je u bolnici. Po povratku iz bolnice nisam imala kamo otići (soba je bila potpuno izgorila), pa me je pozvao k sebi. To je vrlo prijatna soba, iako je u podrumu.
On je vrlo dobar momak i nas dvoje smo se ubrzo zaljubili i planiramo vjenčanje. Datum još nismo odredili, iako bi vjenčanje bilo prije nego se bude vidjelo da sam trudna. Da dragi roditelji, trudna sam. Znam koliko želite imati unuke i njima darovati istu pažnju i ljubav kao meni kad sam bila dijete. Datum vjenčanja još nismo odredili, jer nismo mogli obaviti predženidbene krvne pretrage radi nekakve infekcije koju ima moj dragi, pa sam je i ja dobila od njega. Znam da ćete mojeg momka primiti u obitelj s otvorenim rukama.
Iako nije školovan, vrlo je ambiciozan. Unatoč tome što nije bijelac i što je muslimanske vjere znam da vaša uvijek izražena strpljivost neće dozvoliti da vam to smeta.
Eto, sada kad ste saznali sve te novosti, mogu vas utješiti da nije bilo nikakvog požara, frakture lubanje, nisam bila u bolnici, niti nisam noseća, niti imam AIDS, niti momka uopće. Istina je, da sam pala na ispitu iz matematike i fizike i morat ću ponavljati godinu.
Željela sam samo omogućiti da činjenice vidite u pravom svjetlu.